You know those moms that look like they have it all together? I want to be one of them. I want to join the club. Can someone send me an invite? To be clear, I want to be one of those moms that appear to have it all together. I know that, by and large, moms having it all together is a myth. I have read plenty of blogs and talked with plenty of friends who appear to have it all together, only to know the truth. But really, while I would love to actually have it all together, I would be more than happy to pull off the illusion. And maybe even just once a week. This week I would look like I had it together at ballet, next week at swim lessons. At least a couple times a month if I could appear at preschool pickup and/or drop off not looking like I am going to pieces that would be awesome. I can only imagine what the director of Lily's school thinks of me. She probably shakes her head and thinks to herself "oh that poor woman, obviously can't handle two kids. She looked like she had it together before the baby was born." So yeah, if I could spread it around a little, the other people I come in contact with on a daily regular basis - the other moms - would at least think I wasn't a total lost cause.
For example, today I went to a play date at the park district. I had Margie in the Beco. I usually have her in the Beco at these play dates, but today it was because my sweatshirt was so stained with baby vomit the baby carrier actually helped cover it up. It was my second sweatshirt of the day. Also today I took a look at the finances. That alone is enough to give me hives. I decided that maybe I would just see what is out there in terms of part time jobs. I looked online and found that a local department store is hiring. It's close, it has flexible hours, and a little store discount so I could maybe buy some clothes so I didn't always look like a slob wouldn't hurt. I filled out the application part and then there was a little 50 question questionnaire. You know, the personality/what would you do in this situation/strongly agree-strongly disagree yada, yada, yada. I filled it out and was given a polite "Based on your answers, you are not suited for the position available." Awesome. I am not suited for a part time job at a retail store. Now I didn't really have my heart set on the job. I didn't even tell Matt I was applying and I don't know if I would have been able to work out a schedule that works with my family's schedule. But still. Still!
Honestly, a lot of the time I don't actually care what others think. It isn't that I have awesome self confidence, because I don't. It has a lot more to do with the fact that I can only worry about so many things at one time, and between worrying about paying the bills and feeding my kids and cleaning my house and grocery shopping and why oh why do the dogs stink so badly, that I just don't have any more room in my head to worry about other people's opinion of me. But all the same, I don't want anyone to think they need to call DCFS because clearly I'm losing it and two precious little girls are caught in the mayhem!