Am I a good mom? Please, friends and family, don't all comment telling me yes, because I am not looking for an ego boost or anything. I mean, I know I am a good mom in the sense that my kid is fed, has a place to sleep, is clothed, has a clean (usually) diaper. I don't beat her or neglect her. I try not to raise my voice. I play with her and read to her. We talk a lot. We dance a lot. We sing a lot. I may not do any of these things well, but we get by and she doesn't really have very refined tastes at this point. My bad singing is, ahem music to her ears.
But what about when I am so tired of toys laying around that I pick them up rather than instruct her to pick them up? What am I teaching her there? Or when I roll my eyes as she paints her face with her yogurt rather than instructing her on proper table manners? What about when I put on Dora just to blog, or shower, or just be for a minute? What about the days when I give in and give her a cookie over fruit as a snack?
Sure, the short term ramifications may be obvious and reversible, but what about the long term results? Is she learning that Mom will do it and eventually enough whining will get me what I want? Is she learning to make good and healthy food choices? Am I putting her needs second to mine?
Being a mom is sooo much more than just feeding, watching, diapering, playing, not sleeping. And while I wouldn't change a minute of it, why am I suddenly gripped with a fear about what I am doing?