Thursday, February 18, 2010

Am I a Good Mom?

Am I a good mom? Please, friends and family, don't all comment telling me yes, because I am not looking for an ego boost or anything. I mean, I know I am a good mom in the sense that my kid is fed, has a place to sleep, is clothed, has a clean (usually) diaper. I don't beat her or neglect her. I try not to raise my voice. I play with her and read to her. We talk a lot. We dance a lot. We sing a lot. I may not do any of these things well, but we get by and she doesn't really have very refined tastes at this point. My bad singing is, ahem music to her ears.

But what about when I am so tired of toys laying around that I pick them up rather than instruct her to pick them up? What am I teaching her there? Or when I roll my eyes as she paints her face with her yogurt rather than instructing her on proper table manners? What about when I put on Dora just to blog, or shower, or just be for a minute? What about the days when I give in and give her a cookie over fruit as a snack?

Sure, the short term ramifications may be obvious and reversible, but what about the long term results? Is she learning that Mom will do it and eventually enough whining will get me what I want? Is she learning to make good and healthy food choices? Am I putting her needs second to mine?

Being a mom is sooo much more than just feeding, watching, diapering, playing, not sleeping. And while I wouldn't change a minute of it, why am I suddenly gripped with a fear about what I am doing?


JBigs said...

Good post. ya know the saying goes...

Don't save for college for your 1st born, save for therapy!! Her birthday buddy will be right there with her :)

And, yes, are THE BEST mommy because you are HER mommy.

Anonymous said...

I think the fact you care about short term, long term, purposeful parents etc well it's a sign of what a good mom you are. When I had the kids, if I noticed there was a particular struggle i.e. I didn't have as much energy and patience in the afternoons, I looked for a remedy - we had quiet hour, where they could read, colour, do a puzzle etc but it was in their rooms, this gave me 1 hour to rest, relax, re-group. So for me, finding what the trigger was, helped me come up with a solution and take less short cuts earlier in the day because I knew I'd have some time to do what I wanted/needed later. After quiet hour was over, we'd spend 30 minutes reading and chatting etc and we were all ready to then be our best selves!

I have no doubt, you are just the mummy she needs :)