Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I Miss...

I miss so many things now that Lily is growing up and a full fledged independent toddler. For example, easy diaper changes. Not ten minutes ago I had the battle of a life time trying to change a squirmy, squiggly, angry, not-in-the-mood-for-a-diaper-change little girl into a clean diaper. We're talking screaming, crying, squirming, kicking - and that was just me! Just kidding, that was her - I was only crying (not really, but close). How is a 23 pound kid so dang strong? And to top it off, it was a nice poopy diaper (the kid loves blueberries, the next day, me not so much), so in addition to trying to secure a new diaper on her, I had to try to keep poop off of everything. I miss the days when she just lay there babbling as I changed her, wiped her, adored all the sweet little baby rolls on her thighs.

I also miss co-sleeping. I don't miss the back ache and hip aches and general discomfort of sleeping in one position all night. I am sure Matt doesn't miss sleeping on the couch, as he often did, even though he was welcome to snuggle with us. But I miss having my darling little baby snuggled up next to me where I knew she was safe and secure. And those little baby sighs all night. I was never going to be a co-sleeper. At least not a bed sharing co-sleeper. I had a pretty good idea of what I was and wasn't going to do as a parent before I had Lily. I have pretty much recanted on everything. Lily started off in our room in the pack and play, right next to the bed. Although in all truthfulness, she did spend the first night home from the hospital in our bed, with both of us afraid to sleep, just watching her. Once she was too heavy for the bassinet portion of the pack and play, she moved to her crib, at about 4 months. But she would inevitably end up in our bed for some portion of the night. Then we went through a period when she pretty much slept with us from when we went to bed, which usually coincided with a feeding (cuz my kiddo ate at least once, if not twice during the night for a loooong time). Then she transitioned back to her crib, only coming into bed around 5 in the morning. Then it turned into 6 or 6:30, when Matt would get up. Lily would be awake and he would bring her into me and I would nurse her and we would snuggle until she fell back asleep and we would blissfully snooze until she woke up for the day, sometimes as late as nine. And then...well then that all stopped. I think maybe about 2 months ago, but I can't really remember. I stopped nursing and she started becoming much more mobile. And while I don't generally miss the nursing, although I do have my moments, I do miss the snuggle time. And I miss the sitting still.

I love every new stage in Lily's life as much as the previous one, but I also desperately miss the stages we have passed. I miss my little baby, but I love my spunky little toddler. I imagine this will be the dilemma for the rest of my life.

6 comments:

Southern Barbie said...

What you are saying is close to my heart too! My little man is 18 months old and is growing up so fast. How can you look at someone so precious and be filled with joy at who he is and sadness that the baby part of him is fading away. But he'll always be my baby, I know that, he just is getting super hard to rock to sleep at night. I saw your comment on beingfrugal.net and visited your site. I use cloth diapers too, aren't they wonderful! Even the squirmy baby, stinky gross ones!

Kelly said...

Hey Southern Barbie (love that name!) - thanks for visiting. Cloth diapers are the absolute best! How can you resist a colorful fluffy bum, even if you have to wrestle the diaper onto the baby!

Kelly said...

yes, i think it's all a vicious cycle. we dread getting up in the middle of the night BUT a year later me miss holding a sleeping baby. we dread not having the bed to ourselves BUT so much miss the touch and smell of our baby right smack dab next to us.

i know, friend! i'm going through the same dilemma! i miss my baby boy!

Chic Mama said...

It is so hard- you want them to grow but you don't want to loose what you have! And they grow so fast!

Frugal Babe said...

I so totally hear you! Our son is almost 13 months old, and it amazes me how big and mobile he is. And diaper changes are no picnic these days either...
I still nurse him to sleep, but he only nurses about three times a day now, and isn't usually in the mood to cuddle unless he's nursing. I adore the little boy he's turning in to, but I miss my baby!

Sheri (Green & Crunchy) said...

I totally agree with you, Kelly! Sometimes I wish there was a 'pause' button on their little heads so that I could slow down the growing-up and enjoy each stage a bit longer.

My oldest is nearly 13! And I look at her and I think, where did the years go?

Makes me a wee bit sad :)

Enjoy your delicious daughter and every precious day with her!

By the way, thank you SO much for that nice email you sent me when my blog went private last week. You're a doll for checking in with me.

Be well!