I miss so many things now that Lily is growing up and a full fledged independent toddler. For example, easy diaper changes. Not ten minutes ago I had the battle of a life time trying to change a squirmy, squiggly, angry, not-in-the-mood-for-a-diaper-change little girl into a clean diaper. We're talking screaming, crying, squirming, kicking - and that was just me! Just kidding, that was her - I was only crying (not really, but close). How is a 23 pound kid so dang strong? And to top it off, it was a nice poopy diaper (the kid loves blueberries, the next day, me not so much), so in addition to trying to secure a new diaper on her, I had to try to keep poop off of everything. I miss the days when she just lay there babbling as I changed her, wiped her, adored all the sweet little baby rolls on her thighs.
I also miss co-sleeping. I don't miss the back ache and hip aches and general discomfort of sleeping in one position all night. I am sure Matt doesn't miss sleeping on the couch, as he often did, even though he was welcome to snuggle with us. But I miss having my darling little baby snuggled up next to me where I knew she was safe and secure. And those little baby sighs all night. I was never going to be a co-sleeper. At least not a bed sharing co-sleeper. I had a pretty good idea of what I was and wasn't going to do as a parent before I had Lily. I have pretty much recanted on everything. Lily started off in our room in the pack and play, right next to the bed. Although in all truthfulness, she did spend the first night home from the hospital in our bed, with both of us afraid to sleep, just watching her. Once she was too heavy for the bassinet portion of the pack and play, she moved to her crib, at about 4 months. But she would inevitably end up in our bed for some portion of the night. Then we went through a period when she pretty much slept with us from when we went to bed, which usually coincided with a feeding (cuz my kiddo ate at least once, if not twice during the night for a loooong time). Then she transitioned back to her crib, only coming into bed around 5 in the morning. Then it turned into 6 or 6:30, when Matt would get up. Lily would be awake and he would bring her into me and I would nurse her and we would snuggle until she fell back asleep and we would blissfully snooze until she woke up for the day, sometimes as late as nine. And then...well then that all stopped. I think maybe about 2 months ago, but I can't really remember. I stopped nursing and she started becoming much more mobile. And while I don't generally miss the nursing, although I do have my moments, I do miss the snuggle time. And I miss the sitting still.
I love every new stage in Lily's life as much as the previous one, but I also desperately miss the stages we have passed. I miss my little baby, but I love my spunky little toddler. I imagine this will be the dilemma for the rest of my life.